Lord,

I pray that You would take my desire to recompense
And let it in my all my life be made manifest.
It is in this short but purposeful life all I can do
In the face of the immense sacrifice made for us by You.

Amen.

Sometimes words are simply inadequate to express how God has just moved in your life. Perhaps this will resonate with you, or perhaps it will come across as the mere blathering of a child. Regardless, I can say with certainty that God answered my prayer directly tonight and moved in my life like never before.

I was outside tonight, more pensive than usual, shooting some baskets in my driveway. The rain had finally let up, so I figured there was no better time to go out, despite the darkness. As I continued to attempt to make each shot, I was pondering the question: what would I have done differently to make my life just that much better if I could reset anything? I came to a conclusion that I found bitter, but necessary to swallow: I can’t do anything differently because every action I take is part of His greater plan for me.

I grew exhausted after about a half an hour because today felt like one of the longest and most emotionally strenuous days of my life. I fell to the ground and prostrated myself out of exhaustion on the nearly-dry driveway. I looked up to the sky and saw the moon’s light beginning to break through the clouds.

I was decimated and had no strength or will to stand up. I whispered the words, “Father, let Your rain fall down on me.” Immediately, a drop of rain impacted my arm. So I proceeded to repeat the expression. After a minute of prayer, I was feeling consistent drops across my body. Then, after five minutes of continuous prayer, the rain was steadily pouring down on me. I cried out to God, saying “Soak me with Your healing and purifying rain; humble me before Your throne!” With each call growing louder, within two more minutes my entire body was completely saturated and I laughed with a joy I had not experienced in what felt like an eternity.

I stood up and thanked God for revealing Himself so clearly to me. Never before had I so blatantly experienced God. Last December and early January, I found myself crying out to Him, screaming desperately, asking to hear His voice or for Him to speak to me in some way. When I didn’t receive the definite response I was looking for, it devastated me spiritually.

But as the rain continues to pour down now, I am reminded of how great and ever-present my God is.

“Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.” — Deuteronomy 31:6

I was in the pit–a ditch of insurmountable proportions. I tasted despair and called out for a savior. And there the Savior stood, in glorious light eternal, reaching down His hand to lowly me. In my pride I denied the helping hand while still failing to finally stand. I was in the pit–a hole of inseparable loneliness. I cried out for companionship. And there the Savior stood, but I turned away and shrieked for someone else. I dug deeper and deeper until the light was only but a blip above me. Surrounded by self-inflicted darkness, I screamed in terror, denying that any Hope could exist. I spent so much time digging downward that I couldn’t bring myself to look up and see that He still stood, praying for me at His Father’s right hand. The ground opened up below me and eternal flames threatened to consume me. I clung to the wall of the descent to the abyss, so lost and confused. Letting go, letting go and free falling into eternity below seemed my only choice. Just before I released, something or Someone grabbed ahold of me, gazed into my distraught eyes, and brought me to tears. I looked below and looked at myself and saw there was almost no difference between the two any longer. Without any ground to stand on or any way out of the pit, I took His hand and humbled myself before His saving grace.

Out of the pit I rose and in the light of day I now stand, only by the unending, unbounded love of God my Father.

“And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand.” — John 10:28

Flashes of light,
Oh, how they might
Define our sight
And flee in night.

Flash. Flash. Flash. Depicted again.
Everything’s but another piece of the collage.
I see the world so vivid and bright,
Yet still soldiers flash an image of night.

Where are we are when all that we see
Is a series of memories–disjointed?
The world cannot be constant yet here we are
Yet these flashes of light deceive us again.

See! See! The world is but a flash
Thunder still booms and lightning must crash.
Set the world all ablaze by the fires of night,
Yet all we will see are mindless flashes of light.

The light,
Once shined for man so brightly,
Now in darkness encapsulated,
Met its mortal end–it so was fated.

Told was I of fairy tales,
The midnight air that filled his sails.
But gone is it for generations on,
Left in this world, we’re so far gone.

When my mind drifts to thoughts of you,
I cannot help but recline, close my eyes, and smile.
Nothing else in the world around me resonates,
When my mind drifts to thoughts of you.

When my eyes behold the beauty of this universe,
I see your face, your smile, engrained in every atom.
All for naught seems all but your presence,
When my eyes behold the beauty of this universe.

When my imagination runs rampant through my soul,
I imagine you and the sheer certainty of your perfection.
Beyond my wildest of dreams is your soothing touch,
When my imagination runs rampant through my soul.

When my hands grasp at the intangible objects of the universe,
I grasp at the infallibility and marvelousness of your every thought.
Inferior are the most captivating colors to the spectrum of your mind,
When my hands grasp at the intangible objects of the universe.

When my world crashes all around me in chaos,
I gaze upon your resolute stance and confidence.
Strong against the fiercest of winds you stand,
When my world crashes all around me in chaos.

Not am I, without you.
My very existence depends
Upon
Paths
Unforeseen, crossing at
Such fortuitous times.

Weak am I, but with you strong.
I turn to you when I can stand
No
Longer
In this dark world
Full of loneliness.

Dread that day, do I.
When you will leave,
Far
Away
For greater places than
I ever dream.

Run away to the farthest places with me, my love;
The world is yet explored to its vast ends–
Virgin lands, untouched seas, endless skies.

Oh love, in youthful, limitless vision see,
See the world of our joy overflowing,
See the day and the night and the life.

Under the celestial lights of the night,
Dine, we shall, in endless celebration,
Making manifest the feelings of our hearts.

Let me see you, my sweet, in all beauty,
From the greatest cities to the quaintest villages,
Keeping nothing between our infinite love.

As we venture to these sights of man-made wonder,
How then I will gaze upon you and all you will be,
And fail to comprehend the greatest wonder of all.

Beauty of my love refined
My ceaseless prayer “can she be mine?”
Yet in my passion I was blind
I failed to keep my witless mind

So unworthy of her love
Unending grace like a Dove
In this world, yet not of
More fitting for her: heaven above

Soul so pure it knows no dissidence
With an endless air of childlike innocence
Unaware of the celestial home whence
Her spirit entered the present tense

Though well intentioned, I did dote
And did fail to convey my mind’s hope
In my sore tongue’s convolution I spoke–
Thank God, my love forgave this dope

When perfection stands in front of me
Will I see it?
Or will my perpetual blindness
Keep me from Your gift?
Oh God, shine Your light and let me see
What You have placed in front me of me
Please, Merciful One, let me not miss
The sweet love You have destined for me

Grant me, O Lord, the endurance to wait
For my love in beauty
My God, my God, provide in me a place
Where my love can reside
In Your Holy purgatory I dwell, Dearest Father
Praying that my path would be made straight
Yet, O Great Provider, will I not fail indeed,
For my spirit is weak and my soul longs for her?